It's 9:12 am and I'm drunk at the office.....

Yep.......

FAT

WORTHLESS

IMPOSSIBLE

DISAPPOINTMENT

UNEDUCATED

PATHETIC

LOSER

HYPOCRITE

LIAR

THIEF

PITIFUL

UGLY

UNFAITHFUL

MEAN

CRIMINAL

DRUNK

LAZY

WEAK

SHAMEFUL

Yeah well I expected that........

The weekend was really fun. I actually stayed pretty close to my eating plan besides a few late night chips here or there but nothing of binge status. Maybe a few chips each night when someone else would whip the bag out but I remained in control. I did however drink like a fish and came back to find out I had gained 6 pounds. Fuck. My goal for this week is 7 pounds. I'm reeeaaalllly hoping that 6 is all water/bloat and I can shake it out in about 2 days. Fingers crxxsed.

I forgot my camera at home so I will upload the few pictures I took this weekend hopefully in the next post.

I'm really depressed today. I'm sad I gained so much. I'm pissed that I put 80 on my credit cared this weekend for camping food/drinks. I spent another like 70 in cash. I'm never gunna get ahead if I keep spending money like this. God I hate myself so much. Shit never changes, I never change. And then I throw these pity parties for myself. What a loser.......

I'm tired of bitching. Hope everyone had a good holiday.

<3

Memorial Day Weekend: Kick off to Bikini Season FML and Pictures Pictures Pictures

Gianna - I love ya girl. Sorry I haven't been around, just really depressed.

5k went OK. It was 80 degrees and the whole track was reversed so we ran uphill the whole time. I finished at 35:?? minutes. Shitty. Oh well. Stats were 13 out of 30 for my age group (20-29) and overall I finished 54 out of 124. Here are pics:

Shirt I Made

Course

Pavilion and Peeps



Cristy and I aka FATASS



Strike a Pose Fatty

Walking to the Start Line, Cristy and I are in there to the left.

My Finish Shot



Hot and Aggravated After




There you have it. I go away this weekend with Eric, Cristy and her boyfriend to their camp ground. Camping, bonfires, bags, fishing, boating, drinking etc etc. I know I will have a great time but I am just super depressed about being so fat. Second year in a row I said I would wear that bikini I bought. Nope. Cristy is so beautiful and skinny too. She sent me this picture yesterday......

Flat stomach and boobs.....

Rolls galore and zero tits, huge thighs. FUCKING EWWW, Nuff Said. Excuse my arm pit



Yeah Fuck ME.

I have been fasting for the past two days and am on Bronks. 6.8 pounds lost so far. Still not good enough for a bathing suit. Good thing I bought tank tops and board shorts to go over my suit. Whomever invented board shorts deserves a fuckin Gold Medal. Winning.

I've got my meals all planned out too. I'm drinking MGD 64 and limiting myself to one 24 pack for the whole three days, which is jack shit to what I usually drink. No hard liquor. I have two veggie dogs, baby carrots, peppers and onions for grilling and apples for breakfast. No McDonalds for me (except coffee), which is usually the breakfast tradition because that's the only thing in town. I know I'll get the munchies so I'm still debating on buying the Low Fat Honey Twist Pretzels for a snack. I know Eric will be bringing chips and fat filled sides like Macaroni and Potato Salad. Ugh it's fucking impossible with him around. Last night I went to got tanning and afterwards he asked if I just wanted to pick up dinner instead of cooking. I had to tell him no like four fucking times. Just because you wanna be fat doesn't mean I have to indulge with you. Yes, I'm still fat too but shit if I'm having a good day and trying my best then leave me the fuck alone. We ended up grilling veggies and he made himself a Italian sausage.

Mine were drizzled with Fat Free Italian dressing, garlic powder, Low Sodium Salt and Blak Pepper



Then he continued to eat a Klondike bar AND a Snickers ice cream cone. After the Klondike he goes "I want more ice cream." I said "So eat it." He lifts his shirt up to expose his insanely huge stomach and says "but I'm fat." I reply "Well I still love you either way so eat the ice cream if you want it." And he ate it. I think it's funny/sad how I don't deny it to him, I just say that its OK and I still love him anyway. Maybe one day he will get the picture.

I have got the binging out and my control back the past week or so. I've taken the Bronks the past two days and its helping immensely. I just ordered 120 more and I have 120 right now. I decided I will just be on them all summer and maybe by August I'll be bikini ready....just in time for it to get cold out. Yay.

I don't think I ever posted these before. Here are some before and after pics from when I was Sumo. They are pictures of pictures so excuse the quality:

7th Grade, 215lbs. Sorry it's rotated, it was normal on my computer but uploaded like this.



Going into Freshman Year, about 200lbs



Sophomore Homecoming, 135. I need to be back there, minus 15lbs. Cocaine, Adderall and Bulimia do wonders.

It's weird....I look at that picture and I'm only 10 pounds heavier now. Looking at myself in the mirror, I can't imagine I would look so drastically different from loosing ten pounds. I guess we will find out when and if it happens.

Well I'm gunna go catch up on your blogs. I'll post pics and updates of how the weekend went next week. Please everyone say a little prayer for my weak pathetic ass.

<3



For Gianna

I'm only posting for you.......

I hate everything. I'm fat and binging constantly. I have nothing good to report except my 5k is tomorrow and i have mastered the track. I can run a whole 3.1 without stopping.

We made tie dyed shirts. They came out nice for a first time try.

I'll post pics of me and my gf at the race.

Someone send someone to my apartment and rip the tequila and mac n cheese from my fat fists please.

Eric being on over nights is killing my waist line. I haven't binged like this since I lived alone at 18.

FUCK

<3

..........

Just letting you know I'm alive.

Things are ok.

Things are really horrible.

Ran a straight 3 miles on the 5k track last week. Proud

Binged last 48 hours. Shamed

I have 17 days to loose 15 pounds.

I fucking hate myself.

I'll be back when I'm worthy of all of you.

Loves <3