Gianna - I love ya girl. Sorry I haven't been around, just really depressed.
5k went OK. It was 80 degrees and the whole track was reversed so we ran uphill the whole time. I finished at 35:?? minutes. Shitty. Oh well. Stats were 13 out of 30 for my age group (20-29) and overall I finished 54 out of 124. Here are pics:
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| Shirt I Made |
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| Course |
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| Pavilion and Peeps |
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| Cristy and I aka FATASS |
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| Strike a Pose Fatty |
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| Walking to the Start Line, Cristy and I are in there to the left. |
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| My Finish Shot |
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Hot and Aggravated After
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There you have it. I go away this weekend with Eric, Cristy and her boyfriend to their camp ground. Camping, bonfires, bags, fishing, boating, drinking etc etc. I know I will have a great time but I am just super depressed about being so fat. Second year in a row I said I would wear that bikini I bought. Nope. Cristy is so beautiful and skinny too. She sent me this picture yesterday......
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Flat stomach and boobs.....
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| Rolls galore and zero tits, huge thighs. FUCKING EWWW, Nuff Said. Excuse my arm pit |
Yeah Fuck ME.
I have been fasting for the past two days and am on Bronks. 6.8 pounds lost so far. Still not good enough for a bathing suit. Good thing I bought tank tops and board shorts to go over my suit. Whomever invented board shorts deserves a fuckin Gold Medal. Winning.
I've got my meals all planned out too. I'm drinking MGD 64 and limiting myself to one 24 pack for the whole three days, which is jack shit to what I usually drink. No hard liquor. I have two veggie dogs, baby carrots, peppers and onions for grilling and apples for breakfast. No McDonalds for me (except coffee), which is usually the breakfast tradition because that's the only thing in town. I know I'll get the munchies so I'm still debating on buying the Low Fat Honey Twist Pretzels for a snack. I know Eric will be bringing chips and fat filled sides like Macaroni and Potato Salad. Ugh it's fucking impossible with him around. Last night I went to got tanning and afterwards he asked if I just wanted to pick up dinner instead of cooking. I had to tell him no like four fucking times. Just because you wanna be fat doesn't mean I have to indulge with you. Yes, I'm still fat too but shit if I'm having a good day and trying my best then leave me the fuck alone. We ended up grilling veggies and he made himself a Italian sausage.
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| Mine were drizzled with Fat Free Italian dressing, garlic powder, Low Sodium Salt and Blak Pepper |
Then he continued to eat a Klondike bar AND a Snickers ice cream cone. After the Klondike he goes "I want more ice cream." I said "So eat it." He lifts his shirt up to expose his insanely huge stomach and says "but I'm fat." I reply "Well I still love you either way so eat the ice cream if you want it." And he ate it. I think it's funny/sad how I don't deny it to him, I just say that its OK and I still love him anyway. Maybe one day he will get the picture.
I have got the binging out and my control back the past week or so. I've taken the Bronks the past two days and its helping immensely. I just ordered 120 more and I have 120 right now. I decided I will just be on them all summer and maybe by August I'll be bikini ready....just in time for it to get cold out. Yay.
I don't think I ever posted these before. Here are some before and after pics from when I was Sumo. They are pictures of pictures so excuse the quality:
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| 7th Grade, 215lbs. Sorry it's rotated, it was normal on my computer but uploaded like this. |
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| Going into Freshman Year, about 200lbs |
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| Sophomore Homecoming, 135. I need to be back there, minus 15lbs. Cocaine, Adderall and Bulimia do wonders. |
It's weird....I look at that picture and I'm only 10 pounds heavier now. Looking at myself in the mirror, I can't imagine I would look so drastically different from loosing ten pounds. I guess we will find out when and if it happens.
Well I'm gunna go catch up on your blogs. I'll post pics and updates of how the weekend went next week. Please everyone say a little prayer for my weak pathetic ass.
<3
1 comment:
Oh man, so much to say!
35min was my time for my 5k! It sucks when you know you do it faster in other circumstances. Thank god mine was fairly level, I don't know how you did it uphill the whole time!
You look fab in the race photos! Skinny little legs, and the shirts rock.
So jealous that you're going camping! I looove camping. Mind you I tend to eat and drink far too much, I am super impressed with your plans for food/drinks. That's willpower.
You look so good in the bikini photo! I wish my hip bones stuck out like yours do. I really thing you and Christy's bodies are not as different as you think.
Also good for you for saying no to going out for dinner! That's where I usually falter...
You've come a long way since those old photos. I know it's hard to believe that you're only ten pounds heavier than that photo, but the scale doesn't (usually..) lie! I always look back at photos of me where I was thinner and wonder why I thought I was so fat at that time because now it seems like I was so thin. But we're always gonna think that way, always going to want to be thinner. At least, that's the reality of it for me, unfortunately.
Man I think I went off on a tangent here. Anyways, you're doing so great, and you look phenomenal.
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