Hey ladies. I hope everyone is doing good.
Egh. I am so sad/angry/hopeless/fearful right now. Basket of a emotions.....in a nut shell. (ok LOL that was funny....haha) But yeah as I was saying, I have done HORRIBLE since Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving actually went better than planned compared to how much I usually eat but since I had to eat it signaled the food monster to come out of hiding and I basically NOM NOM NOM the whole fucking weekend. I don't even feel like waking up and having to look at the horrible havoc I have done to myself in the past week. I am so upset with me right now. I finally hit the goal. FINALLY. And I'm not going to sit here and blame anyone else than me. Who fucking cares if it was a holiday?! Who fucking cares if people would be mad?! I always make excuses for myself in the moment because deep down inside lets face it: I'm a fucking human who needs food, and I am also a human ADDICTED to food. FUCK.
Since I started eating last week all I do is think about food. It's driving me fucking crazy. I had gotten so strong those last few weeks and was fasting like a champion. Now the idea of fasting makes me pissed off because I want to sit on my ass and eat all god damn day. I know it will take me about three days of mental and physical hell to get back into fasting mode. The first three fasting days after a food frenzie are so god damn shitty. Yesterday was supposed to be day one. Well I got drunk last night and you know where that leads......2 am cheese sandwiches with chips smashed on them. That's right: THEM. PLURAL. Fucking multiple sandwiches. UUUGGGGHHHHHH. I did however wake up three pounds lighter, thank you booze for dehydrating me.
I am sad to report: 145.6. I didn't even want to tell you all because I am SO EMBARRASSED. I feel like such a failure. My apologizes to you all. I fucking suck at everything.
I prob will not be posting that much until I hit the thirties again but will still be following everyone. But who knows, my mood changes as the wind blows.
Love You Bitches <3
Egh. I am so sad/angry/hopeless/fearful right now. Basket of a emotions.....in a nut shell. (ok LOL that was funny....haha) But yeah as I was saying, I have done HORRIBLE since Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving actually went better than planned compared to how much I usually eat but since I had to eat it signaled the food monster to come out of hiding and I basically NOM NOM NOM the whole fucking weekend. I don't even feel like waking up and having to look at the horrible havoc I have done to myself in the past week. I am so upset with me right now. I finally hit the goal. FINALLY. And I'm not going to sit here and blame anyone else than me. Who fucking cares if it was a holiday?! Who fucking cares if people would be mad?! I always make excuses for myself in the moment because deep down inside lets face it: I'm a fucking human who needs food, and I am also a human ADDICTED to food. FUCK.
Since I started eating last week all I do is think about food. It's driving me fucking crazy. I had gotten so strong those last few weeks and was fasting like a champion. Now the idea of fasting makes me pissed off because I want to sit on my ass and eat all god damn day. I know it will take me about three days of mental and physical hell to get back into fasting mode. The first three fasting days after a food frenzie are so god damn shitty. Yesterday was supposed to be day one. Well I got drunk last night and you know where that leads......2 am cheese sandwiches with chips smashed on them. That's right: THEM. PLURAL. Fucking multiple sandwiches. UUUGGGGHHHHHH. I did however wake up three pounds lighter, thank you booze for dehydrating me.
I am sad to report: 145.6. I didn't even want to tell you all because I am SO EMBARRASSED. I feel like such a failure. My apologizes to you all. I fucking suck at everything.
I prob will not be posting that much until I hit the thirties again but will still be following everyone. But who knows, my mood changes as the wind blows.
Love You Bitches <3
2 comments:
I say it every time but stop beating yourself up love. We all have good and bad days, and as long as the good outweigh the bad (which they seem to, since you have been losing more than gaining) then that's all that matters. Thanks for the comment, you're a beautiful person. -G
After reading your blog I have to tell you about something that might help. Prozac. It is the only antidepressant that is aproved to treat bulimia and binge eating, and I can tell you that it helps me so much. It not a cure all, but my binges are so much smaller and more infrequent than ever before. And for awhile they actually went away.
You can get a script for it really easily because hey this is America and doctors love their prescription pads.
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