unitl Sept 12th. FECK I just want to get this shit over with already.
Today was the first day in a looong time I was able to fast all day. Had a Bronk, coffee, a migraine, a small heart attack and almost went murder suicide at the office but I am home now and feeling much better. And shockingly....am not feeling the urge to eat everything in sight.....dare I even say that I have just cursed myself. Today is also a success for me because I got off the bus and walk straight away from the liquor store. I am trying to quit this ugly binge drinking and eating cycle I have been on since May. I am so fat and disgusting, my hair is nasty, my skin is broken out and I am finally fed the fuck up. I know to many that might not sound like such a big deal, but for an alcoholic, ITS HUGE. So either stfu or thank you.
Currently I am sitting on my couch waiting for my mother to take me to walmart. I know I know, never shop hungry. But I have passed that point for the day (for now) and am feeling almost euphoric for not eating. And bc I am not half in the bag or high as a kite I am feeling confident. I made a list and I'm sticking to it. Plus I'm broke as shit so I don't have much wiggle room for extra crappy food. Unfortunately, I shop for Eric too tonight, which his requests are: chips, pop (regular), cookies and pulled pork. GREEEEEAAAAT. On top of it all, he has lost 20 pounds the last two months because of his work schedule and eats the most fattiest caloric foods ever. I am green with envy.
I started taking the new zzzQuil stuff that NyQuil just came out with. So far results seem ok. Nothing like a good ol' Seroquel but I'll take what I can get. My plan for the week is fast, workout and sleep. Cook and clean as needed. I worry that my insomnia will be more than the zzzQuil can conquer from not drinking alcohol and my plan for fasting will be sabotaged with the usual night time crunchin' and munchin'.......hopefully not.
I really need to kick Mia for good. I got what I thought was a cold but turned out (by my guessing) that I ended up with a horrible glandular infection from BPing. I literally could not swallow Friday until mid afternoon today without wincing to near tears. REALITY CHECK. Your teeth and throat hate you, cut that SHIT OUT FINALLY. So today is day one. I realize if I eat normal I will gain, its part of the process, but if I stay strong with fasting hopefully good results will prevail. Fingers crxxsed.
BLLAAAHHH mom hurry up........half an hour late. This does not work with the schedule I had set up for myself. As soon as I get home I need to shower, blow dry, do my nails and then bed. If I need to eat top kill that voice in my head it will be.........shit I dunno. Something green. Maybe broccoli. Plain. Dash of salt.
Oops she's here. I'll try and write soon.
Josie - I love you will all thats me. Thanks for always being there <3
Today was the first day in a looong time I was able to fast all day. Had a Bronk, coffee, a migraine, a small heart attack and almost went murder suicide at the office but I am home now and feeling much better. And shockingly....am not feeling the urge to eat everything in sight.....dare I even say that I have just cursed myself. Today is also a success for me because I got off the bus and walk straight away from the liquor store. I am trying to quit this ugly binge drinking and eating cycle I have been on since May. I am so fat and disgusting, my hair is nasty, my skin is broken out and I am finally fed the fuck up. I know to many that might not sound like such a big deal, but for an alcoholic, ITS HUGE. So either stfu or thank you.
Currently I am sitting on my couch waiting for my mother to take me to walmart. I know I know, never shop hungry. But I have passed that point for the day (for now) and am feeling almost euphoric for not eating. And bc I am not half in the bag or high as a kite I am feeling confident. I made a list and I'm sticking to it. Plus I'm broke as shit so I don't have much wiggle room for extra crappy food. Unfortunately, I shop for Eric too tonight, which his requests are: chips, pop (regular), cookies and pulled pork. GREEEEEAAAAT. On top of it all, he has lost 20 pounds the last two months because of his work schedule and eats the most fattiest caloric foods ever. I am green with envy.
I started taking the new zzzQuil stuff that NyQuil just came out with. So far results seem ok. Nothing like a good ol' Seroquel but I'll take what I can get. My plan for the week is fast, workout and sleep. Cook and clean as needed. I worry that my insomnia will be more than the zzzQuil can conquer from not drinking alcohol and my plan for fasting will be sabotaged with the usual night time crunchin' and munchin'.......hopefully not.
I really need to kick Mia for good. I got what I thought was a cold but turned out (by my guessing) that I ended up with a horrible glandular infection from BPing. I literally could not swallow Friday until mid afternoon today without wincing to near tears. REALITY CHECK. Your teeth and throat hate you, cut that SHIT OUT FINALLY. So today is day one. I realize if I eat normal I will gain, its part of the process, but if I stay strong with fasting hopefully good results will prevail. Fingers crxxsed.
BLLAAAHHH mom hurry up........half an hour late. This does not work with the schedule I had set up for myself. As soon as I get home I need to shower, blow dry, do my nails and then bed. If I need to eat top kill that voice in my head it will be.........shit I dunno. Something green. Maybe broccoli. Plain. Dash of salt.
Oops she's here. I'll try and write soon.
Josie - I love you will all thats me. Thanks for always being there <3
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