Hello all or no one.......been awfully quiet lately. I know, I know. I bitch a lot. I fail A LOT. Who would want to read this crap anyways?
Clear Girl, advice...not annoying :) I had a prob with laxatives for a while but don't really use them anymore. Not sure what fueled me to use them this week.....I'm guessing because I am actually fasting and working out and not seeing results. Blah. I will take what you say into consideration.
Yesterday was OK. Ate a cucumber at work, went home and had Eric drop me off at the tanning bed and then leave me there. Walked the three miles home. I did do some running towards the end, but it was somewhat difficult due to the tanning lotion I have. I love strong tingles, so with my skin already red and on fire, running was a bit uncomfortable. I never did the pilates. Face Palm. Shame on my fat ass. SHAME.
Woke up to two tortilla chips on my night stand. *GASP* WTF ARE THOSE DOING THERE???????
Sure enough....had another 'eat in my sleep' episode. I swear the sleeping pills are what do this to me. I ran downstairs to find a half eaten english muff on the counter (no plate of course) and remains of what appeared to be a rice cake. Fuck my fucking life. Have I been doing this all week??? No. I would of noticed. God only knows how many tortilla ships I ate. I swear I wish I had a bathroom in my room and a cool roommate that would lock my inside my bedroom at night. Fucks sake I hope I was not eating chips in bed. Eric was slightly awake so I could not check for crumbs. THIS IS SO FUCKING EMBARRASSING.
I explained my sleep eating problem to Eric a few weeks ago when I had no choice because I did some serious a.m. damage. He ended up cracking jokes at me at Walmart the next day when we passed a food item I had demolished. FUCK YOU.
I wish i could see a therapist about this. But that would lead to me unhatching my whole ED. I thought I was ready a month or so ago. HAH. NO WAY. I don't know who I am without my ED.
Anywhoser.......Sorry Clear Girl, but after last nights mishap I laxied again today. Tomorrow I will quit it. Promise. I know they don't actually make you loose weight. But I really wanted to get all those carbs outta me pronto. Dumb, yes. But if it helps me mentally I suppose it's worth it.
Today's plan: I decided to try something knew to conquer this sleep eating thing. Every night before bed I will eat one can of tuna. Hoping the protein will keep my hunger at bay until morning and I will stop waking up and eating without recollection. I brought a gigantic cucumber to work. It's so large I'm guessing the whole thing is probably 70ish cals. Will I eat the whole thing? Yes. No. I dunno. I don't want to but I didn't want to yesterday and ate a whole one. If I can stick to my coffee (40), cucumber (75?) and the tuna (100), my intake for the day will be around 215.
*****
Realized as I was typing we have a shipping scale here. Weighed cucumber: 21oz = 89 calories. Feck. That's with the peel. WO the peel it is 71. Too bad we don't have a sharp enough knife or peeler at work. Need to bring one in.
Intake: 229
*****
As long as I stay under 500. My friend emailed me a link to this cool website. You enter your weight, height, etc and how many cals you plan to eat and it gives you dates and what your weight will be at. Check it out if you're interested:
http://www.losertown.org/eats/cal.php
HAHA....losertown. Loved that.
Well I'm off ladies. Wish me good luck for the day and I better weigh in tomorrow. I'll keep you updated.
Choi.
<3
Clear Girl, advice...not annoying :) I had a prob with laxatives for a while but don't really use them anymore. Not sure what fueled me to use them this week.....I'm guessing because I am actually fasting and working out and not seeing results. Blah. I will take what you say into consideration.
Yesterday was OK. Ate a cucumber at work, went home and had Eric drop me off at the tanning bed and then leave me there. Walked the three miles home. I did do some running towards the end, but it was somewhat difficult due to the tanning lotion I have. I love strong tingles, so with my skin already red and on fire, running was a bit uncomfortable. I never did the pilates. Face Palm. Shame on my fat ass. SHAME.
Woke up to two tortilla chips on my night stand. *GASP* WTF ARE THOSE DOING THERE???????
I explained my sleep eating problem to Eric a few weeks ago when I had no choice because I did some serious a.m. damage. He ended up cracking jokes at me at Walmart the next day when we passed a food item I had demolished. FUCK YOU.
I wish i could see a therapist about this. But that would lead to me unhatching my whole ED. I thought I was ready a month or so ago. HAH. NO WAY. I don't know who I am without my ED.
Anywhoser.......Sorry Clear Girl, but after last nights mishap I laxied again today. Tomorrow I will quit it. Promise. I know they don't actually make you loose weight. But I really wanted to get all those carbs outta me pronto. Dumb, yes. But if it helps me mentally I suppose it's worth it.
Today's plan: I decided to try something knew to conquer this sleep eating thing. Every night before bed I will eat one can of tuna. Hoping the protein will keep my hunger at bay until morning and I will stop waking up and eating without recollection. I brought a gigantic cucumber to work. It's so large I'm guessing the whole thing is probably 70ish cals. Will I eat the whole thing? Yes. No. I dunno. I don't want to but I didn't want to yesterday and ate a whole one. If I can stick to my coffee (40), cucumber (75?) and the tuna (100), my intake for the day will be around 215.
*****
Realized as I was typing we have a shipping scale here. Weighed cucumber: 21oz = 89 calories. Feck. That's with the peel. WO the peel it is 71. Too bad we don't have a sharp enough knife or peeler at work. Need to bring one in.
Intake: 229
*****
As long as I stay under 500. My friend emailed me a link to this cool website. You enter your weight, height, etc and how many cals you plan to eat and it gives you dates and what your weight will be at. Check it out if you're interested:
http://www.losertown.org/eats/cal.php
HAHA....losertown. Loved that.
Well I'm off ladies. Wish me good luck for the day and I better weigh in tomorrow. I'll keep you updated.
Choi.
<3
2 comments:
Hey there,
Thanks for your comment on my blog,
It's nice to know I'm not the only one dealing with addiction and an eating disorder,
Are you clean now?
I've been clean a couple of years but am still on methadone which I've been on nearly 8 years now,
I 'd love to stay in touch,
Much love x
I have been missing in action in reality throughout all of August but I am feeling like life is getting back to my normal. It sounds like you are trying to refocus also so good luck!
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