Depression is the best appetite suppressant. It is also the worst.
Weight is up down up down. I fucking hate myself.
Ive cut myself off from every friend I have except three. Coincidental I barely see the two that live in my state and the other is a ED friend I met that lives 2000 miles away? No, probably not.
This week has been a blur of alcohol and tears. Over the past few years my depression has turned into mostly anger with fits of hysterical crying. This weak it has just been that pathetic "lets sit in bed and listen to Lana Del Ray and slowly let tears fall from your eyes" sort of crap. I can't even contain myself for two seconds when Eric calls me from work to say high.
Speaking of: I haven't figured out if i love or hate his over night job schedule. A little of both. But then again I know if he was home i wouldn't be drinking so much and the scale wouldn't keep reflecting it. But I love my alone time....every day. I dunno.
I don't know if I'll blog before then but i get sentenced on August 22nd. If you don't hear back from me for an extended period of time it is because I'm locked up in jail. I'll say a hello when I get out. Anywhere from 30 days to a year.
Realized I cannot get a gun card today because I'm a psychotic drunk.....pssshhh what is with these ridiculous laws......(sarcasm)
<3
Weight is up down up down. I fucking hate myself.
Ive cut myself off from every friend I have except three. Coincidental I barely see the two that live in my state and the other is a ED friend I met that lives 2000 miles away? No, probably not.
This week has been a blur of alcohol and tears. Over the past few years my depression has turned into mostly anger with fits of hysterical crying. This weak it has just been that pathetic "lets sit in bed and listen to Lana Del Ray and slowly let tears fall from your eyes" sort of crap. I can't even contain myself for two seconds when Eric calls me from work to say high.
Speaking of: I haven't figured out if i love or hate his over night job schedule. A little of both. But then again I know if he was home i wouldn't be drinking so much and the scale wouldn't keep reflecting it. But I love my alone time....every day. I dunno.
I don't know if I'll blog before then but i get sentenced on August 22nd. If you don't hear back from me for an extended period of time it is because I'm locked up in jail. I'll say a hello when I get out. Anywhere from 30 days to a year.
Realized I cannot get a gun card today because I'm a psychotic drunk.....pssshhh what is with these ridiculous laws......(sarcasm)
<3
1 comment:
To bad we don't live near each other we could have kept each other company as we ball our eyes out. I know you feel alone and so do I, so please blog if it gives you any joy. I know it helps me feel less alone. What I write about no one in my real life knows about.
You are strong, you have made it this far don't forget that.
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