What an unpleasant surprise to log into blogger and find that the website took it upon itself to change my format to the new version after I had been ignoring the disclaimer for weeks. You fucking asshole Blogger. Watch, later I'll log into Fcebook and I'll have fucking Timeline. GO FUCK YOURSELVES WEBSITES
OK, obviously I am not doing okay today.
Up and down and up she goes, will she scream nobody knows......
I am going from rage to crying to crying rage to crying to rage rage rage. And I have a fucking wedding rehearsal tonight for Eric's friends. PLEASE SHOOT ME. I am so tired of faking the smiles.
I am crazy. We all know this. I can't take this. I feel like I am going to explode. Today, soon, in a week? I don't know but I don't wanna be there for it. Eric is REALLY getting on my nerves and I know I shouldn't feel this way. He has been off work all week and he has accomplished practically nothing at the apartment. I WANNA FUCKING STAB HIM.
Now, let me explain some more. Eric is a clean person. He washes dishes, does laundry, vacuums, dusts etc. However, I am EXTREMELY ocd when it comes to cleaning and "everything having it's place." He knows this. He saw how I continually bitched about my mothers style of "cleanliness" before I moved out and I warned him several times, even asking him "Are you sure you are ready to live with CRAZY??" His response:
"You're not crazy, it's just your mom making you mad."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Omg you are so fucking blind boy. And what's even better is that he internalizes pretty much everything he thinks and feels about life in general. He never stand up for himself. So when I am going bonkers he just stares at me or apologizes when really in reality I just need to chill out and shut the fuck up. Omg I'm so frustrated. It's like I need him to yell at me just fucking once. Please prove to me that you are an actual man and not a god damn push over and people pleaser!
Now, take what I just said above and realize that Eric is probably not like this at all but that's how I see it because I'm fucking psycho. Am I going back and forth? YES. Am I manic? YES. Que the fucking circus music.
I should probably stop drinking coffee when I am like this.........
My mind is blank. I have come down.......
I might be back later.
<3
OK, obviously I am not doing okay today.
Up and down and up she goes, will she scream nobody knows......
I am going from rage to crying to crying rage to crying to rage rage rage. And I have a fucking wedding rehearsal tonight for Eric's friends. PLEASE SHOOT ME. I am so tired of faking the smiles.
I am crazy. We all know this. I can't take this. I feel like I am going to explode. Today, soon, in a week? I don't know but I don't wanna be there for it. Eric is REALLY getting on my nerves and I know I shouldn't feel this way. He has been off work all week and he has accomplished practically nothing at the apartment. I WANNA FUCKING STAB HIM.
Now, let me explain some more. Eric is a clean person. He washes dishes, does laundry, vacuums, dusts etc. However, I am EXTREMELY ocd when it comes to cleaning and "everything having it's place." He knows this. He saw how I continually bitched about my mothers style of "cleanliness" before I moved out and I warned him several times, even asking him "Are you sure you are ready to live with CRAZY??" His response:
"You're not crazy, it's just your mom making you mad."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Omg you are so fucking blind boy. And what's even better is that he internalizes pretty much everything he thinks and feels about life in general. He never stand up for himself. So when I am going bonkers he just stares at me or apologizes when really in reality I just need to chill out and shut the fuck up. Omg I'm so frustrated. It's like I need him to yell at me just fucking once. Please prove to me that you are an actual man and not a god damn push over and people pleaser!
Now, take what I just said above and realize that Eric is probably not like this at all but that's how I see it because I'm fucking psycho. Am I going back and forth? YES. Am I manic? YES. Que the fucking circus music.
I should probably stop drinking coffee when I am like this.........
My mind is blank. I have come down.......
I might be back later.
<3
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