Hey Mes Betches.
So yesterday I had this to accomplish after work:
Go to the bank
Go tan
Run??
Clean both bathrooms
Do laundry
Go to Walmart to pick up scale
Go to register for the 5k
What I actually got done:
Pick up scale
Register for 5k
This time it was not my fault actually. Eric texts me on the bus saying he has friends over and we are not running errands, he is drunk and we are BBQing.
WTF. At this point my extreme mood swings kick in and I go from a rather decent mood (which is rare these days) to KILLER mode. I know I should not feel this way. I know I should not have the burning desire to shoot my loving boyfriend in the face for changing plans. I change plans all the time. The world will not stop if the bathroom gets cleaned on Wednesday instead of Tuesday. I love his friends I should be happy to visit and relax with them. BUT NO. I'm so sick of myself. I just wanna be normal. Be happy. Not have manic insane thoughts race through my head at every moment of every day. I need therapy again. I never should have stopped but fucking HMO's and my DUI's have made it fucking impossible to seek help. I am a therapy lifer and I am OK with that and actually ENJOY going because I have a third party who is completely neutral to tell me to CHILL THE FUCK OUT and enjoy life for a second. These ups n downs n sadness to euphoria to mania is taking a toll on me. Sometimes I feel I can't even function. I worry so much about trying to appear normal and happy to those around me and its mental torture and I end up snapping and being mean to nice people who don't deserve it. Not only am I freaking out at the time the mood swings happen but then it's even worse after because I know I was a complete fucking bitch ONCE AGAIN for no fucking reason. I end up hating myself just a little bit more everytime this happens.
I can't breathe right now......
So I stayed up until 11pm eating veggie meat stuffed mushrooms and margaritas. The only plus is it took a laxative affect and I think helped me loose a pound....but I just used my scale for the first time this morning so I don't have actual fact of that. I'm not reporting my weight until its in the 30's.....as I mentioned a few posts ago. I'm sure those of you who read my blog often can guess my weight.....blah.
I'm at like 300 cals for the day so far including Bfast and Lunch. Ate some raw red peppers, cucumbers and carrots with a dash of S&P. Breakfast I grabbed a plain hamburger bun as I dashed out the door......speaking of that bun......
1. WTF was I thinking eating that? Oh yeah...hungover throwing up and needed something to absorb the acid.
2. Did you know that there was 120 CALS in that sonofabitch? 120 cals?!?!?! Jesus.
Bread, I love you. Stop being so full of calories n shit. Thanks.
I'll leave you with this on that note. Loves.
So yesterday I had this to accomplish after work:
Go to the bank
Go tan
Run??
Clean both bathrooms
Do laundry
Go to Walmart to pick up scale
Go to register for the 5k
What I actually got done:
Pick up scale
Register for 5k
This time it was not my fault actually. Eric texts me on the bus saying he has friends over and we are not running errands, he is drunk and we are BBQing.
WTF. At this point my extreme mood swings kick in and I go from a rather decent mood (which is rare these days) to KILLER mode. I know I should not feel this way. I know I should not have the burning desire to shoot my loving boyfriend in the face for changing plans. I change plans all the time. The world will not stop if the bathroom gets cleaned on Wednesday instead of Tuesday. I love his friends I should be happy to visit and relax with them. BUT NO. I'm so sick of myself. I just wanna be normal. Be happy. Not have manic insane thoughts race through my head at every moment of every day. I need therapy again. I never should have stopped but fucking HMO's and my DUI's have made it fucking impossible to seek help. I am a therapy lifer and I am OK with that and actually ENJOY going because I have a third party who is completely neutral to tell me to CHILL THE FUCK OUT and enjoy life for a second. These ups n downs n sadness to euphoria to mania is taking a toll on me. Sometimes I feel I can't even function. I worry so much about trying to appear normal and happy to those around me and its mental torture and I end up snapping and being mean to nice people who don't deserve it. Not only am I freaking out at the time the mood swings happen but then it's even worse after because I know I was a complete fucking bitch ONCE AGAIN for no fucking reason. I end up hating myself just a little bit more everytime this happens.
I can't breathe right now......
So I stayed up until 11pm eating veggie meat stuffed mushrooms and margaritas. The only plus is it took a laxative affect and I think helped me loose a pound....but I just used my scale for the first time this morning so I don't have actual fact of that. I'm not reporting my weight until its in the 30's.....as I mentioned a few posts ago. I'm sure those of you who read my blog often can guess my weight.....blah.
I'm at like 300 cals for the day so far including Bfast and Lunch. Ate some raw red peppers, cucumbers and carrots with a dash of S&P. Breakfast I grabbed a plain hamburger bun as I dashed out the door......speaking of that bun......
1. WTF was I thinking eating that? Oh yeah...hungover throwing up and needed something to absorb the acid.
2. Did you know that there was 120 CALS in that sonofabitch? 120 cals?!?!?! Jesus.
Bread, I love you. Stop being so full of calories n shit. Thanks.
I'll leave you with this on that note. Loves.
1 comment:
Bread needs to stop being so unfilling for such a high caloric cost. It's so fucking annoying!
Thank you so much for the comment. Yay blogger finally let me follow you! :D
Love you <3
Post a Comment