My Brain Is A Fruit Basket.....Care to Go Banana With Me?

Hey ladies.

UGH. Today is a bad day. Good food wise. I'm on 5 bites of egg drop soup, a banana and two cups of coffee. I'm pretty pissed about the banana but I guess it suits today's theme.......

I know I should have made a list of things I wanted to bitch about......so many things. Just when I was getting ready to blog I was interrupted by my boss to do something. Now my head is so swirly I can barely remember any of it.

Basically....I fucking Love/Hate today. Mostly hate, in a highly suicidal bi-polar fashion.

It is raining. And Pandora just so happened to play the most perfectly depressing music on the way to work. Love that.

I also love the mini heater under my desk that has been keeping me warm for the past year. Best seven dollars ever spent.

Splenda and Diet Mountain Dew. I would be lost without you. Oh....Tequila too. :)

Hate:

Item 1. My boyfriend -

As you all know he had surgery recently. He has not acted as babyish as I had suspected he would. That is good. HOWEVER...........do not sit there and bitch about how you are tired of eating the exact same foods everyday when you know that there are other options. For CHRIST SAKE Eric. You own a food processor. Do you know that there are many veggies, fruits and other items that can be pureed and still be delish?? Mashed carrots, Creamed spinach, Banana smoothies. You are a thirty 30 year old very intelligent person. GET A FUCKING CLUE. It's fine if you did not realize this on your own (for some reason) but I told you about 400fuckingtimes already to make this shit for yourself. He's on the brink of dehydration and is not getting enough vitamins. You want a god damn cold on top of your surgery??? Yeah I don't think hacking is the best option for you right now. I once again mentioned this today in a text conversation and he responds "True." DUH FUCKING TRUE. What the fuck have I been telling you??? I know you like to make me feel like a fucking idiot daily and subtly responds "BUT" to everything I say but I actually do know about SOME THINGS. Even if the list is small. I said this to him (in a MUCH nicer fashion...followed by a very fake "lol") and he responds "You're so smart and beautiful, what would I do without you?" Most girls would find this a compliment. Me - NO. Don't patronize me on a bipolar day you fuck. JESUS CHRIST. OH - AND BY THE WAY - I HATE YOUR FUCKING DOG. Men with small dogs should all be wiped off the face of this fucking earth. PERIOD. Next time you call your fucking shit sized dog an "angel" I am going to vomit on you. And tell that little bitch thanks for the two pee spots she put on my mothers fucking white carpeting yesterday. I told you to watch your fucking dog but apparently your GOD DAMN phone was more important. FUCK YOU. OH AND THANK YOU for mentioning how you have dropped 16 pounds in a week in a half when I can't seem to loose five in a month. Way to cheer my up you asshole.

Item 2. My compulsion to look at my cell phone.

Before my best ED friend Clementine went into the army we would text each other non-stop all day every day. She has been gone for a little over 4 months now. We still talk and text but rarely. Apparently she went into the army to "get her life together" which means becoming a complete drunk and blowing coke up her nose every weekend off base. ANOTHER DUMB ASS. I condone these activities but not in the army. DUH. And for some reason I still find myself checking my phone like every 5 seconds for a text. HI - NO ONE GIVES A FLYING FUCK ABOUT HOW YOU ARE DOING TODAY.  I need to realize that.

Item 3. My mother. In so many forms I cannot express.

I love my mom. She "means well." But god damn if she brings home one more item of food for me I think I might rob a gun store and Go Lane Bryant on her ass and anyone within 20 feet of me. Including the fridge. Last night she brings home 2 baked potatoes from work. OH GREAT - thanks for the fucking carbs mom. Like this kangaroo pouch needs that starchy devil. UUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Item 4. Being broke 200% of the time.

I would love nothing more than to go home and get drunk on tequila in my bed while watching something on TV or Netflix. BUT NO. I have approximately $23.72 to my name for the next 4 days. I still have the $200.00 in my drawer from fucker AKA Dennis but like previously stated: that is for credit cards only. I am not budging on that no matter how pissed/sad/happy I am. Who knows.....if this mood keeps on escalating like it has today I may just say fuck it all and buy the damn tequila with the rest of my money. I can get a fifth. Happy weekend to me? I think so.

Item 5. Hiding drugs when you are on drugs = WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY DRUGS??

I stole 5 oxy's from Eric. Yeah yeah yeah I'm a POS. Whatthefuckever. I came home on Sunday fucked up on percocets and hid them somewhere in my room. I have been saving them all week for this weekend in hopes of me not eating shit food like last weekend. I do not eat when I am high on pills. It just dawned on my dumb ass today that I have no fucking clue where I hid them. I believe it is possible they might be in this one drawer. MIGHT is a strong word. If I go home and they are not there I 1. Have no clue where they are and 2. Will go ape shit tearing apart everything trying to find them. Please Jesus Christ (whoever you are) let them be in that drawer. I wish my mother was cool enough to call: "Hi mom, It's me. Can you check this makeup drawer in my room for my Oxi's? I wanna make sure I am good and fucked up this weekend so I can starve. Thanks Mom. *giggle* Yeah, I Love You Too." (Insert dream world)


****Side Note: I just checked my cell phone. AGAIN. I seriously just need to throw the thing away****


I can't think of any more items. My head is pounding. I can't wait until I get home. I'm thinking that tequila is definitely in my future. I also just remembered I have a bedroom that is a complete disaster. Jesus Christ I wanted to just lay in bed, drunk and crying. Maybe I still will. I could always clean it tomorrow before Eric gets me. Or just stay home all together and not go see him. So many possibilities.

I'm so depressed. These are the days when taking the bus home really sucks the big one. I wish i could just get in my car and blast sad music and cry. Instead I get to choke down tears for the two hours it takes for me to get home.

FMFL.