THANK GOD (Whomever that is..........)

Woke up this morning to 146.6. Thank god. One day of fasting made me loose 4.6 pounds. Damn bloating/water/whatever. I plan on fasting again today and all thru the weekend. Fingers CroXXed. I need to eat less than Eric this weekend. Which is basically nothing. Yay.

Last night was.........usual.

Spent all my money on tequila and Diet Mountain Dew as predicated. Total came out to 23.09. So I have .63 cents to live on till Monday. YAYYYYYY for me. It also dawned on me that I never even picked up a Sweetest Day card for Eric. Nor do I have any money to take him out to do anything. Do I spend part of the 200??? EGHHHH. I know I "probably" should....but I'm not. Maybe if I cry or something he wont think I'm the complete asshole that I am for spending 80 dollars on booze this week and nothing on him. I FUCKING FAIL AT EVERYTHING. I plan on walking to Walgreen's after work to buy him a card. With change. How embarrassing. I'll have to rob my piggy bank to do so. My piggy is my tattoo fund. Not suppose to rob that either but I can't NOT have a card. I don't even think he really cares about the holiday anyways. I asked him if there was something he wanted to do since i obviously can't take him to dinner with his surgery and all........he said it depends on how he feels. Okay fine whatever. usually I would take more initiative, like I did with his birthday, but in this case why even try?? I'm not going to plan some awesome day and then just be let down bc he feels like shit. God I'm selfish....IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU JAMIE.

To continue......so I drank half a fifth. Danced around my room to Paramore and Sia all the while doing two loads of laundry and DEEP cleaning my bedroom. Washed walls, ceiling fan, dusted, changed bedding, and even had my ass on the ground with the vacuum attachments cleaning under my bedroom furniture. Oh my wash it a dusty mess under there!!! (I have hardwood flooring) I even got a rag soaked with floor cleaner solution and mopped under the furniture. I am quite proud of myself for that one. :) Then...as always....the devil came home from work............

First she bitched about my clothes being in the dryer. "How long is this shit gunna be on I want to go to bed, I've been up since 6am!!!" Well if you'd CHECK THE FUCKING TIMER WISE ASS , it say 5 MINUTES. You haven't even taken off your god damn work uniform yet I think they will finish before then. So I took my slightly, just barely damp clothes out of the dryer and threw them on my floor just to make her STFU.  

Then she bitched about me attempting to find a snack to eat. I can't even remember what she was saying I just walked out of the kitchen. When she was washing her face I snuck into the kitchen and grabbed a banana. It's sad I feel I had to sneak into the kitchen for a fucking banana. The theme of the day continued.

 I didn't realize 24 year old had to be told when/where/how to eat. Yet she is constantly nagging about how she never sees me eat. JESUS CHRIST mom. Wonder where my fucked up eating originated from?????

I'm pretty sure there was something else she bitched about but I don't remember. Needless to say I pretended I was going to sleep. Didn't get to finish my laundry YET AGAIN because of her. Typed that last blog. Passed out. The End.

Eric has been looking at apartments. He wants me to move in with him. HAHAH are you serious?? Yeah right. We have known each other like 3 months. I'm not crazy in that sense. Been there done that with 2 ex's. Plus I can't stand your dog. Thinking of looking at that thing everyday......... I'd rather live with my mother. At least she works three nights a week so I get some alone time. I am VERY big on alone time. I snap without it. I can't even imagine being married. Being around someone 24/7. I'll fucking loose it. I should and will just die alone. It's for the best, really it is. If he gets an apartment close to my bus route, however, it will be a nice get away from the Devil if need be. I only see her Monday's and Tuesdays so usually we can keep the peace...it's just always those nights she comes home from work. She pulls doubles those days. I mean FINE MOM. I get it. You're tired. But don't take it out on me. I used to work THREE JOBS at one time AND go to school full time on top of it. Don't tell me I don't know what it's like to work hard. You forget - I wasn't always a complete waste of space. 

I am sooo fageezing bored at work. Another youtube movie day I guess. My Internet at work is so fucked up i can't watch Netflix like I want to so everyday is a hunt to find a decent movie on youtube. I watched a movie called "From Homeless to Harvard" the other day. I liked it a lot. Its based on a true story and I try to think of that movie every time I throw a pity party for myself. Usually the pity party still happens though. I just don't think I will ever be worth anything in life. If any of you ladies are bored check it out.

So far today I've eaten (surprise!!!) a banana, 1 cup coffee and some egg drop soup. Cals are at around 266. Dinner will be......broccoli?? Some veggie of the sort.

I'm sure I'll post later. Love you bitches. <3