Really regretting that binge on Sunday. If I wouldn't have fucked up I guarantee I would be about four pounds lower. I have starved myself as much as possible since then and my weight has gone NO WHERE. I'm so frustrated with myself. I need to come up with a solid plan for this weekend. I have like zero plans and that means possible mucho time spent around my house and demon food. UGH. Tom Skilling is also calling for rain all weekend which sucks ass because that leaves no room for outside activities. Not that I usually do them but one can hope right?? I have my usual chores I have to get done but that's not until Sunday and we all know what happened this past Sunday. Binging while cleaning. Pathetic. I keep racking my brain to think of other things I can do. I do have a Tae Boa DVD that I can finally use since I bought a resistance kit. Let's see if I can squeeze that in somewhere. It's so hard with having this boyfriend. All we ever do on the weekends is lay around like lazy asses and eat n drink. We both are tight on money so that doesn't leave many options to get outta the house and actually do anything. Does anyone have some suggestions?? I need them for sure.
I'm going to do something bad tomorrow..........I'm going to cheat on my boyfriend. I have never cheated on anyone before in my life and it makes me sick that I'm planning to do this tomorrow. I know I don't HAVE to but it's in my best interests financially to do so. Yes - I found another Sugar Daddy. This guy is super fine and a close family friend of mine. He has been asking me for the past two years to set up an arrangement with him but I've always said no because he is married and my mother's friend. I have good and evil running through my head. Good says:
1. You have made a promise to yourself about cheating, don't break it.
2. You have a boyfriend who is amazing and treats you good, don't fuck it up.
3. KARMA IS A BITCH
4. Money isn't everything, you'll pull yourself outta financial hell one day
5. He is one of your mother's best long term friends, don't disappoint her like this.
Evil says:
1. Promises Smomises. You have gone back on many "morals" already in your life, who cares.
2. You're boyfriend is great but it's not like your married or see yourself every marring him so whatever
3. Your Karma is already fucked because you've slept with married men already. What's one more?
4. Money is the only way you will be able to start your life over in a reasonable time. DO IT NOW.
5. My mother will never find out so what's the harm?
For every reason I give myself for not doing it i come up will and exact reason to say fuck it and go ahead. I had a long text convo with the SD yesterday and said dirty things and sent him dirty pics so I've already fucked up as it is. But it's still not sex ya know? I already pretty much gave the green light to everything so
I can't turn back now. When I started SD'ing last year it was hard at first. But after the initial first couple weeks it got easy and I actually enjoyed it because the money was ridiculous. Call me a prostitute but I was at least high end and I only slept with one guy at a time.....except for one month when I was transitioning from one guy to another. I imagine cheating on Eric will become easy over time just as that was. Not that I want cheating on my boyfriend's to be my new found life style but shiiiit. I'm so broke and have so much debt I can barely hang on, and let's living rent free at my mother's house (fucking ewww I know). If Eric and I break up during this arrangement I will NOT be dating anyone else......I just can't see myself breaking up with him right now for an SD. Money will make you do terrible things. I know I will never be emotionally attached to this SD which is good. It makes me feel 1% better that at least I am not cheating emotionally. It's all business. But cheating is cheating bottom line. I don't know how my life ever came to this. :'(
Cals today.....ugh. I should never eat again. I had a biscuit for bfast with a cup of coffee. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking eating a biscuit. I was just running out the door late and had to eat something with my Chantix and they were conveniently on the counter. I did forget to grab my soup though so I will be without a stitch of food until about 8pm. It's only 11am and I'm already starving. I'm afraid to take a Bronk because I don't wanna get sick. I must rely on will power today. Eric comes over for our usual Wednesday dinner tonight also. Veggies for me. There's homemade garlic mashed potatoes in the fridge that I will be serving to him with his meal. I must not eat any. They are so fucking good and so hard to resist!!!
I'm going to do something bad tomorrow..........I'm going to cheat on my boyfriend. I have never cheated on anyone before in my life and it makes me sick that I'm planning to do this tomorrow. I know I don't HAVE to but it's in my best interests financially to do so. Yes - I found another Sugar Daddy. This guy is super fine and a close family friend of mine. He has been asking me for the past two years to set up an arrangement with him but I've always said no because he is married and my mother's friend. I have good and evil running through my head. Good says:
1. You have made a promise to yourself about cheating, don't break it.
2. You have a boyfriend who is amazing and treats you good, don't fuck it up.
3. KARMA IS A BITCH
4. Money isn't everything, you'll pull yourself outta financial hell one day
5. He is one of your mother's best long term friends, don't disappoint her like this.
Evil says:
1. Promises Smomises. You have gone back on many "morals" already in your life, who cares.
2. You're boyfriend is great but it's not like your married or see yourself every marring him so whatever
3. Your Karma is already fucked because you've slept with married men already. What's one more?
4. Money is the only way you will be able to start your life over in a reasonable time. DO IT NOW.
5. My mother will never find out so what's the harm?
For every reason I give myself for not doing it i come up will and exact reason to say fuck it and go ahead. I had a long text convo with the SD yesterday and said dirty things and sent him dirty pics so I've already fucked up as it is. But it's still not sex ya know? I already pretty much gave the green light to everything so
I can't turn back now. When I started SD'ing last year it was hard at first. But after the initial first couple weeks it got easy and I actually enjoyed it because the money was ridiculous. Call me a prostitute but I was at least high end and I only slept with one guy at a time.....except for one month when I was transitioning from one guy to another. I imagine cheating on Eric will become easy over time just as that was. Not that I want cheating on my boyfriend's to be my new found life style but shiiiit. I'm so broke and have so much debt I can barely hang on, and let's living rent free at my mother's house (fucking ewww I know). If Eric and I break up during this arrangement I will NOT be dating anyone else......I just can't see myself breaking up with him right now for an SD. Money will make you do terrible things. I know I will never be emotionally attached to this SD which is good. It makes me feel 1% better that at least I am not cheating emotionally. It's all business. But cheating is cheating bottom line. I don't know how my life ever came to this. :'(
Cals today.....ugh. I should never eat again. I had a biscuit for bfast with a cup of coffee. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking eating a biscuit. I was just running out the door late and had to eat something with my Chantix and they were conveniently on the counter. I did forget to grab my soup though so I will be without a stitch of food until about 8pm. It's only 11am and I'm already starving. I'm afraid to take a Bronk because I don't wanna get sick. I must rely on will power today. Eric comes over for our usual Wednesday dinner tonight also. Veggies for me. There's homemade garlic mashed potatoes in the fridge that I will be serving to him with his meal. I must not eat any. They are so fucking good and so hard to resist!!!
This isn't me.....but a strikingly similar resemblance. Stay skinny girls. Someone has to.
1 comment:
Tough call. Money vs morals. I've often thought it would be awesome to have a SD and if I were single I'd probably have done it if the chance had come. Hang in there with the weight. Soooo frustrating to work hard and not lose.
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